Your Dirty Secret
by bellacatbee
Summary: "Your yard looks like crap. I'll come round after school and sort it for you if you pay me ten bucks." Those were the first words Dean ever said to Castiel. How was Castiel supposed to know then that he was going to fall in love with Dean? AU.


The trouble started on a Thursday. It was nearly half-five, Castiel had been home for an hour and had just begun to consider what he should have for dinner. There was a choice between frozen lasagne or frozen macaroni and cheese, neither of which would be as appetising as the picture on the box once cooked. The doorbell rang, leaving Castiel to make that important decision at a later time and he closed the freezer door.

"One moment." He called. The post man didn't come this late in the evening even on his bad days, Castiel had nothing on special order and as far as he could remember none of his brother's had invited themselves over but that didn't necessarily mean it wouldn't be one of them outside now. They had a way of dropping round inconveniently. Opening the front door though revealed a surely looking teenager and a smaller boy half-hidden behind him. "Can I help you?" Castiel asked, wondering if they were lost or needed to use the bathroom.

"Yeah, I'm Dean." The older one said, "And this is Sammy." He indicated the smaller boy who peeked out at Castiel before shying away again. "I need to get a job to get him a birthday present. Your yard looks like crap. I'll come round after school and sort it for you if you pay me ten bucks." He nodded to Castiel as if they had settled on an agreement and then turned to walk away, hands shoved deep into his pockets. Sammy stood on the porch for a moment longer and then darted off after his brother.

Castiel swallowed, wondering what had just happened and then closed the door. In the end he had the lasagne for dinner.

The next day when Castiel returned from work Dean was in the front yard trying to force a dilapidated old lawnmower through the grass while Sammy sat on the porch and watched him.

"I don't think I agreed to this." Castiel said but Dean had his back to him and either didn't hear him or pretended not to. The boy on his porch waved at him.

"My name is Sam!" He said. "Not Sammy."

"Castiel," said Castiel and went into his house to phone Gabriel. Once his brother had stopped laughing at him he was able to ask the question he'd been holding on to. "What should I do? I didn't want this, Gabriel, but he looks the sort that might be violent if I don't pay him."

"Hit him back." Gabriel advised and Castiel wondered why he'd called him and not Michael because that was the advice he'd expected from Michael but Gabriel tended to be sneakier than that. "Or you can call the cops on him. He's trespassing right?"

"Yes, but only to do yard work." Castiel said, peering out the window. Dean was now kicking the lawnmower and swearing at it. Across the street his neighbours' curtains twitched and Castiel died slowly of shame.

"Still trespassing." Gabriel said, his mouth half full of something and Castiel sighed.

"Yes," He agreed and then hung up.

He paid Dean his ten dollars in the end even though the lawn was only half finished. He'd said that was all he needed after all and Castiel didn't expect to see him again after that. Paying him off seemed easier.

As the weekend contained no hint of either Sam or Dean, Castiel let himself believe that he'd sorted the issue for himself. Dean had made it clear he wanted the money to buy a present for his little brother and most likely since that was now sorted he wouldn't feel the need to come back. He told himself that all the way through his work on Monday, all the way through the drive home and even as he pulled into his street Castiel was still telling himself that till he saw the two figures in his front yard – one tall and one short.

"Hello." He said, getting out of his car. "I thought you'd finished."

Dean snorted and went back to pulling weeds out of the flowerbed.

"I'm doing a project on the life cycle of a toad." Sam told him proudly, holding out his work book for Castiel to take a look at.

"It's very good." Castiel murmured embarrassedly before he fled indoors. He stayed there until Dean knocked on the door and demanded his ten dollars.

"I'll be back tomorrow." He said before Castiel shut the door and Castiel tried not to take that as a threat.

Eventually Castiel got used to the pattern. Dean was there every day when he got home, sorting something out in the yard while Sam sat on the porch and finished his school work. They never came on the weekend but were back like clockwork on the Monday. Dean hardly spoke to him and Sam was likely to jabber like a bird if Castiel so much as glanced in his direction. He'd already learned more about fractions then he could remember studying in school and the crash course on amphibian biology had been an eye opener.

On his weekly shop he found himself browsing the shelves for something that Dean and Sam might like while they were at his house. Castiel didn't have a sweet tooth himself and he had no idea what either of his younger guests liked so he bought things he thought might appeal to Gabriel – brightly coloured, additive riddled snack foods and drinks. He spent more on treats for the boys' then food for himself but as he bought the same five frozen meals week in and week out that was not unusual.

The first time he offered to fetch Dean a drink the teenager looked at him as if Castiel was offering him illegal drugs. Tempted but uncertain. "Like what?" He asked, following Castiel into the house but motioning for Sam to stay outside with a wave of his hand. It was the first time Castiel had invited either of them in and Castiel supposed Dean had a right to be wary.

"I…" He opened the cupboards, going through them. "I bought Pepsi and coke and a few other sodas. I didn't know what you drank." Castiel shrugged his shoulders apologetically and turned to see Dean almost doubled over, laughing to himself.

"Oh man." He said, pulling himself upright. "I thought you were offering me a beer. Sammy, get your butt in here!" Sam came barrelling through the front door, took one look at the sugary drinks and requested a glass of water. The lecture he gave Castiel on additives was long, involved and made Castiel very considerate of his lack of diet. Dean had chosen to have selective hearing again and finished off a bottle of coke to himself.

After that day it became routine to have them in the house. Sam did his homework at the kitchen table and Dean came in once he's finished on the yard, ate whatever he can find and then mooched around the house looking for things to fix. He was surprisingly good with his hands and he'd fixed the leaky tap in the bathroom, given the engine on Castiel's car a tune up and changed more blown bulbs then Castiel really cared to remember.

"I really should pay you more than ten dollars for the work you do." He said to Dean but Dean just shrugged.

"I'm doing this for Sam, remember. How expensive are kids' toys anyway? I've probably got enough saved up." He dug in his wallet, the ten dollars Castiel had given him from the day before still neatly folded in there. "The rest's under the mattress at home. I just need Sam to make a choice about what he wants. He's picky."

Castiel knows that. Sam only has glasses of water while he's at the house and while he'll eat snacks occasionally he carefully reads the labels first. It's endearing and Castiel had found himself studying the backs of the frozen dinners he buys. The salt content alone makes him feel discouraged. He buys more fresh fruit and vegetables and cooks small meals for himself. Sam eats most of the fruit so it never had a chance to go rotten. Gabriel moans when he comes over about Castiel's health kick but there's usually a packet of Twinkies Dean missed somewhere to make him happy.

One day Sam, Castiel and Dean sit down to a family meal together. Its only spaghetti but Castiel made the sauce himself, simmering it slowly on the stove while Sam read out the instructions from the cookery book Castiel had borrowed from his brother Balthazar who cared about things like fine dining. He'd even let Sam grate the parmesan cheese. Dean had been down on the dirt replanting so they'd made him wash up first. Castiel said grace, his eyes closed and hands firmly clasped, ignoring Dean's eye rolling because if he couldn't see it then it couldn't bother him. He was thankful for whatever force had bought Dean and Sam into his life.

Sam declared the spaghetti to be the best thing he'd ever eaten. Dean ate two helpings in silence and Castiel surreptitiously sprinkled extra salt onto his plateful.

"Do your parents mind you coming over here?" Castiel finally asked while he and Dean did the dishes. Sam lounged in the living room watching TV, there was a documentary on about polar bears and it kept him busy.

Dean shrugged, setting down the plate he'd been washing to drip dry on the rack. "Our mom's dead. Dad works nights and days. As long as Sam's safe and I'm not getting arrested then I don't think he cares too much where we are."

"Oh." Castiel said softly.

"You're not going to make a big thing of it, are you?" Dean said, turning to look at him and Castiel was reminded how threatening Dean had seemed when he'd first met him. He took a step towards him but Castiel remained firm. "I look after Sam. If you tell anyone then they'll take him away from me. If you did that then I'd…"

"I'm not going to tell." Castiel said quietly, reaching out to grab Dean's shoulder, holding him at arm's length. "I wish you'd told me sooner. I could have helped."

"We don't take charity." Dean said stiffly.

"You're working for me." Castiel pointed out. He felt for Dean, working odd jobs in a relative stranger's house to bring in extra money for his brother. It must have been hard for them, not having a parent to go home to. Castiel's family had always seemed too big, too involved and in his life. He'd moved to be away from them and their intrusions but somehow Sam and Dean had wormed their way into his solitude. Dean especially didn't seem to understand the word no.

"You're a really lax boss." Dean said with a lazy grin, reaching up to cup Castiel's cheek with one soapy hand and then he pulled the older man against him, crushing their mouths together in a kiss that was all teeth and hormones. Castiel froze. Dean pulled away, still grinning. "See, you made me dinner and now you're letting me kiss you. That's not what bosses are supposed to do. You're meant to be strict, Cas."

He ran his fingers down over Castiel's shoulder, brushing over his chest and across his stomach to un-tuck the hem of his shirt from his trousers. His fingers, still damp, pressed up against Castiel's skin as Dean pushed him back against the sink. "You're so fucking hot." He whispered, sliding his knee between Castiel's legs, forcing them apart. "I thought that the first day when you opened the door. I'd been up and down this street and no one was interested. I wasn't going to let you tell me no."

"Had to make sure you understood about Sammy. Now I know I can trust you, Cas." He muttered, pushing Castiel's shirt higher till his nipples were exposed and he leant forward, sweeping his tongue over first one then the other while Castiel writhed against him and bit his lip to stop from crying out. Sam was only a room away, he'd hear them over the sound of the TV and Castiel didn't want him coming to investigate.

"Dean…" Castiel whispered, his hand on the boy's shoulder clutching at him but if it was to push him away or drag him closer, Castiel didn't know. This sort of thing didn't happen to him. Handsome teenage boys didn't throw themselves at him, they didn't lust after him in secret and make plans to get his attention. This was wrong. All of it was wrong. Dean was a teenager. He didn't know what he was doing, he was just taking because he wanted and that was what he knew. Castiel was an adult. Dean was headstrong and impatient so Castiel had to be the one to put a stop to this. He gripped Dean's shoulder hard and shoved the teenager away from him.

"Stop it." He gasped, dragging his shirt back down, trying to ignore how his whole body throbbed from Dean's touch. "You're…Dean, you're half my age! How can you say you want this? You don't know me! You just do gardening for me, Dean! All I've done is be nice to you the way anyone would!"

"That's not true." Dean said, brows furrowing and he gripped Castiel's hips, pressing back against him. "I can feel that you want it. You don't have to lie to me, I'm not going to tell anyone." He leant back into Castiel's personal space, lips brushing against his as he whispered. "I can be your dirty secret."

Castiel pushed him away again, more forcefully this time. "How old are you, Dean?" He hissed

"Seventeen." Dean said with a shrug as if at seventeen he'd seen it all, done it all and got the t-shirt.

"I'm thirty-two, we're not doing this. I'm not paying you for this." Castiel said and he wondered if Dean did take money from men to do that sort of thing, if he'd thought Castiel wanted this because of something he'd said or done and he ran everything back in his mind, wondering if there had been anything that Dean could have misinterpreted or maybe Dean simply thought he owed him because that's what other adults in his life had told him when they'd done nice things for him. "No one should make you feel you have to do this sort of thing, Dean."

Dean snorted, pulling away from Castiel. "Do you think I'm that damaged? I just wanted to fuck you. You didn't pay for this. It was just something I wanted to do, okay?" He looked hurt, angry almost and Castiel wanted to reach out to him but then Dean stalked to the other side of the kitchen, slamming his hands down on the counter top and when he looked up at Castiel his face was set. "No, you know what, I did want you to pay me. I knew you were fucking queer the moment I looked at you and I was gonna fuck you and then blackmail you afterwards because I bet they wouldn't like it at your work if they found out you mess around with guys, especially underage ones."

Castiel faltered, unable to comprehend what Dean was saying. "Dean…I don't think…" He didn't want to believe it was true. Dean had kissed him with a ferocity that belayed everything he was saying now but maybe that was all just in Castiel's head. Dean was young and attractive and he wanted him or he'd seemed to want him but maybe that had been what Dean was relying on? That Castiel really was a lonely, sexually repressed man who he could latch on to and pump for money when it suited his needs. Castiel hadn't been able to tell him to go away when all Dean had done was stand out in his yard and demand payment so maybe he'd thought it would be easy to push things further, that Castiel would just roll over and be pleased someone had shown him any attention.

"I…I thought we were friends." He said quietly, realising how stupid it sounded the moment it left his mouth. Dean's laugh just confirmed it.

"You said it yourself, man. I'm seventeen, you're thirty-two. What have we got in common? Nothing."

"Dean…"

"We're not friends, we're not anything. I just saw you as a meal ticket." Dean's eyes were fierce, boring into him and now Castiel believed every word. Dean shifted uncomfortably, glancing away. "I'm gonna grab Sam and get going." He said. "I won't come back." Castiel stayed in the kitchen while Dean shuffled through the house. He could hear Sam's muffled protests as the TV was switched off and then the scuffle of shoes and coats being pulled on and the slam of the front door behind them. Castiel uncurled from himself and found his phone. He dialled Gabriel's number and held it up to his ear, wanting to hear his brother's voice.

"Gabriel." He blurted out when his brother picked up. "Gabriel, I've made such a terrible mistake."

Castiel still expected to see him the night after when he returned from work and the night after that. It took him a whole week to believe Dean when he said he wouldn't be coming back. It took him a lot longer to settle into the idea and to accept that whatever he'd said he had been attracted to Dean. It hadn't been because he was young because Dean didn't seem young when you got right down to it. He had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Castiel had been drawn to that – his loyalty, his sense of responsibility and Dean was handsome. He couldn't deny it, not if he was going to confess and get the sin of wanting Dean off his chest. He lay awake in night remembering those kisses, remembering how hard Dean had felt against him and wanting to believe more than anything that Dean hadn't meant it when he'd said it was all a lie.

And then, just as suddenly as he'd gone from Castiel's life he was back again.

It was pouring with rain when Castiel drew into his drive way, pelting down so hard that for a moment he didn't see the figure huddle on the porch. He wasn't even half out of the car before Dean had hopped down and run towards him, soaked to the skin in only a measly t-shirt and he wrapped his arms around himself, shivering as he talked. "You've got to help me. Sammy's sick. I didn't know who else to go to."

"Get in the car." Castiel said, not even having to think twice about it.

Sam was running a fever. He shifted uncomfortably in his bed, sweat peppering his skin and he winced when Castiel turned the light on to get a better look at him. Dean hovered in the doorway, hands clenching and unclenching. "I don't think he needs to go to hospital." Castiel said, placing a hand over Sam's forehead, feeling the clammy heat of the boy's skin. "What have you been giving him?"

"Glasses of water. Peanut butter sandwiches, he won't eat anything." Dean said, scuffing at the floor with the toe of his boot.

"No medicine?" Castiel asked and Dean shook his head slowly.

"The money…" He started and Castiel held up a hand to silence him. Sam whimpered, pulling the blankets over his head and Castiel relented, ushering Dean back out into the hallway and turning off the bedroom light.

"I think he has flu. I'll fetch some medicine for him. If he doesn't get better then I'll take him to the hospital." He patted Dean's arm, smiling at him. He wondered why their father couldn't have given Dean some money but from the conversation they'd had previously Castiel wondered how often Dean's father was really around. Dean seemed to be practically raising Sam on his own from what Castiel had seen. "I'll be back in a little while. I promise it will be alright." He said, not allowing his smile to falter.

"I'll pay you back." Dean said, glancing away from him towards Sam's room and Castiel shook his head.

"It's not important. Sam's important."

At the drug store Castiel bought practically every cold and flu medication they had. He picked up Paracetamol and vitamin tablets and then stopped on his way back at an all-night market to grab something better for Sam than peanut butter sandwiches. Sam took the pills he was given, slept a little while, woke up complaining he was thirsty and managed to eat a little of the chicken soup Castiel had bought him before falling back asleep. Dean didn't sleep at all, pacing up and down outside Sam's room in case his brother woke up and called for him. Castiel didn't sleep either. He had to stay awake for Dean. Eventually when the sun started to rise Castiel called his work to tell them he had to take a day off, the first one he'd taken since he started with the company. He made vague promises about coming back in tomorrow and the hung up before any more questions could be asked.

Dean drew the curtains, shutting out the light, and settled down on the couch, patting the space beside him for Castiel. Castiel folded down next to him, feeling his exhaustion spring on him unbidden and when Dean wrapped his arms around him and pressed against him Castiel was too tired to push him away. He fell asleep with the reassuring warmth of Dean pressing down on him, whispering how grateful he was to him, how he'd know he could trust Castiel. He didn't have it in him to explore the duel personalities of Dean, one moment warm like this, acting as if he needed Castiel and the next moment acting as if he hated him. He didn't know which Dean was real. He knew what he wanted to believe but it was easier to sleep than try to puzzle Dean out.

Sam's fever did turn out to be flu. He was up and around again by the next day and well enough to sit on the sofa between Dean and Castiel and watch cartoons on the tiny TV. Castiel phoned work and took the week off. He didn't offer an explanation and he guessed that when he finally did get back to work he'd have to have a long meeting with his boss about acceptable time off but until he was sure Sam was better and Dean wasn't running himself ragged any more then he wasn't going back. He never did meet the boy's father although he had the feeling sometimes that the man had been there for a few hours. Things had moved, food was eaten, clothes that were too big to be Dean's were left on the bathroom floor but the man never seemed to stay long or try to find out who the stranger staying in his house was.

Maybe he never even noticed Castiel was there. Castiel was used to people taking no notice of him. Or maybe he was simply one of those people who saw what they wanted to see. Sam was getting better, Dean had money suddenly and his father didn't care particularly where it came from or how he got it. It made Castiel's blood boil to think about it, to think of how someone could take advantage of Dean if they wanted to.

Every night he watched Dean tuck Sam into bed and the two of them curled up on the couch together. Sometimes they'd just watch TV. Dean liked anything with nudity and explosions in it and Castiel could just drift off because the noise didn't bother him. He'd grown up in a house with four brothers. He knew what noise was and he'd slept through worse. Other times Dean turned off the TV before he fall asleep and he pressed Castiel back into the couch cushions, kissing him softly, hands up under Castiel's shirt and even while it felt good, Dean's fingers brushing over his nipples, playing with them while Dean tried to steal his breath, Castiel couldn't help but feel that Dean was doing this because it's how you're supposed to get the second base with a girl. He was searching for the breasts Castiel didn't have and while it's endearing in a way it also worried Castiel. Dean might be forcing himself to do this, might think he owed Castiel and since Castiel wouldn't take money he'd decided to pay him back with his body.

"Dean." He said softly, pushing the boy away from where he was vigorously attacking his neck and Castiel didn't know how to begin to tell Dean that while having a hicky might be the height of teenage passion it paled a little when you got older. "Dean…why are you doing this?"

Dean glanced up at him, a slight crinkle appearing between his brows as he frowned. "Because I want to. Don't you want to?"

Yes, Castiel wanted to shout. He really did want it and everything else Dean wanted to give him but instead he touched the mark on his neck and made an unhappy noise. "I won't be able to hide this."

"You could just tell me you don't want it." Dean said, standing up and running a hand though his hair. "You know what? Just fuck off home why don't you? If you're not interested then get out."

"Dean." Castiel said again patiently. He thought he was beginning to understand now. "I'm the first man you've ever been with." It wasn't a question but a statement. Dean's shook his head, a little too quickly in Castiel's opinion.

"What are you talking about, man? I've fucked loads of guys. Do you want it? I'll make it good for you." He leant over Castiel again, eager now he thought Castiel might be into him again. Castiel sighed and placed his hands on Dean's shoulders, pushing him back just enough so he could look in to his eye.

"I know you haven't, Dean. You don't have to make yourself do this."

"Who's making me?" Dean exploded, jumping back from Castiel as if he'd been scolded. "Fuck! I told you already, didn't I? I think you're hot. So what if I haven't fucked a dude? I've fucked loads of girls and I want you so why shouldn't I fuck you? I…Do you even like me? I think you do and then you push me away and you try and pretend you're a responsible adult but I don't want that. You're not like an adult, you're Cas. My Cas. You're the first guy I've ever wanted and I don't know what to do"." His voice was quiet by the end of his speech and Dean buried his face in his hands, body sagging as if saying that out loud had drained him completely.

"It's okay." Castiel said quietly. "I needed to know, Dean." He closed his eyes, swallowing down all the guilt bubbling in his chest. He hadn't seduced Dean. He had been nothing but friendly and if it hadn't been him it would have been some other man that Dean became interested in. This was part of Dean, a part he was struggling with. Castiel remembered those feelings all too well. "I do like you, I like you a lot." He opened his eyes, looking up into Dean's face. "But you know I can't, that you're still underage."

Dean laughed, straddling his lap and kissing Castiel hungrily. "I like you and you like me. I don't really care about anything else." He was warm against Castiel, strong and impassioned and Castiel found that this time he didn't have the strength to push Dean away. Did another year make a difference? Would Dean at eighteen be so different from Dean at seventeen? He wanted to be around to find out but if Dean was curious, if Dean needed to explore himself and his sexuality then he could do it with Castiel. Castiel would never judge him; never stop him now he knew Dean wasn't doing it out of some sort of duty. When Dean kissed him again he kissed back.

"Dean." He muttered in between kisses. "Can we at least wait till you're legal before we have sex?"

Six months later

"Stop squirming!" Dean reprimanded him and Castiel covered his mouth to keep from laughing.

"I'm just very ticklish there." He said apologetically. Dean raised an eyebrow and then licked him again and Castiel convulsed into silent laughter.

"Right. So I can't lick your stomach, but I can lick here?" Dean asked, moving a little further down Castiel's body, taking the head of his cock in his mouth. Castiel gasped, eyes falling shut and he rocked up impulsively.

"Yes, you can do that." He agreed breathlessly. He fisted the sheets as Dean licked him, taking the time to explore Castiel's cock, nuzzling and mouthing it as he got used to the heat and weight of it against his lips.

"You've got a fucking nice cock, Castiel." He said, grinning up at his boyfriend. "Might even be better than mine."

"Nothing's better than yours." Castiel muttered, hips shifting urgently as he tried to get Dean to take him back in his mouth. Dean laughed, bending his head to suck him again and Castiel tipped his head back, groaning as he saw stars. Dean might not be the most experienced lover when it came to this but he was enthusiastic and he had a stamina that Castiel didn't think he'd ever experienced before, not even when he was a teenager but he'd been a shy boy who hadn't had his first kiss till he was away in college. He'd been nothing like Dean who was all sexual energy and impulse. At first he'd thought once Dean got tired of experimenting, once he got that itch for Castiel out of his system then he'd be gone. As it was he turned eighteen and surprised Castiel by deciding that now he was legally an adult he was moving in with Castiel and bringing Sammy too. It had been a shock going from living alone to being a surrogate parent to Sam and a co-habiting partner with Dean but it seemed to work.

Gabriel had teased him about having a much younger boyfriend and didn't believe that they had been able to wait the four months to Dean's birthday before jumping into bed together but he liked Dean and he doted on Sam even if Sam didn't like all the candy Gabriel bought him. He had, however, loved the science kit. Michael hadn't approved at all but he was slowly warming up to the idea each time Castiel called him.

Dean had failed high school in the end but apparently that was to be expected so Castiel tried not to feel that it was his fault in any way. Dean had been failing long before he met Castiel. He'd started a business doing odd jobs which left his afternoons free to pick up Sam from school and make sure they had dinner ready for the time Castiel finished work and, as Dean always pointed out, Castiel made enough money to support all three of them without a problem.

Castiel had met Dean's father once. It had not been a good moment. He didn't remember very much of the incident apart from taking a punch to the face and waking up on the couch with Dean practically having a fit and Sam in floods of tears. He'd called Gabriel who'd come round with ice cream for Sam, an ice pack for Castiel and a bottle of something for him and Dean to share even through Castiel pointed out that while Dean was legally old enough to be his boyfriend now he wasn't legally old enough to drink. That was the first and last time he saw Mr Winchester and he couldn't say he was terribly sorry that the man never showed up again. Sam was flourishing in school, Dean was happy and Castiel was ecstatic.

"Oi!" Dean pinched his thigh, snapping Castiel out of his memories. "I'm putting all my effort into this blow job so you could at least concentrate on it!"


End file.
